How have I been doing?

Maybe it is time to update uols about my on-goings in Dubai.

As everyone knows, my girls already started school, in their second month now, and coping very well (thank God al-mighty) despite the major change. Yes there were a little bit struggling in language & communication with Dania but not so much for Marsya & Alya. And even so, Dania is starting to get popular amongst her classmates, effortlessly, like how she was when we were back home, language barrier or not.

As for me... all of u might think i would be driving myself insane right about now with the office, and the girls and school meetings and homeworks and errands and chores huh...?

As one of my dearest friends said & i quote "Life is as simple as you make it"... and i could never agree more.

All of u may not believe it that at least a couple of nights in a week i would take a couple of hours to chill, or shisha or supper or coffee with some close friends, or have a little window shopping by my self (in which ofcouse i never fail to shop for something pretty & silly), or even sweating at the gym! And so far I haven't missed helping the girls with their homeworks, and i haven't skipped any of the PTA meetings! Supermom huh? Not really.

SIMPLE AS U MAKE IT.

Yea ok, i have a maid, so all of the cooking and cleaning considered solved. And i noticed a lot of my friends with maids.... maaaan aren't they BUSY dictating the maids! Hovering over them like a hawk!! I mean they are much busier now then they were before they have the maids!

Girls please, the maids are there to help you ease the burden and the stress.... not to add them! And noooooo i don't need anymore stress in my life ... I want to stay young much longer!! Yes yes i had maids before who betrayed me and ran away with the uncle next door, so yea we meet shitty people every now and then, but i do believe a little kindness goes a long long way. So, i just briefed my maid only once, and more than a few times she would ask questions and how to do's, and i treat her kindly, in return she's appreciating it and she looks happy.... therefore so far the girls are so well fed, my home spick and span and voluntarily she would join my girls with artworks, paintings and games. Ofcourse I would join them too and have our many little laughs everytime.

That's a lot of stress lifted. And many wrinkles postponed!

Next, the girls went to bed at 9pm. Hey after 9pm i still can do a lot with myself till my bedtime! But yea i don't overdo it ofcourse, i was never a 'party-mom'. But i like to have my fun. I love a night out once in a while. Real conversation with some educated adults. Meet new interesting people.

And my weekends? I went out every weekend with the girls. Malls usually. Or a close friend's house. And once we went to see live band in Hard Rock Cafe (they wanted to go again!) And some of my dearest friends really didn't mind and even love having them over or join our weekends gatherings. One of my friend told me that 'ur kids can really hang-out with adults' ... She's really bias cos she adores them too much.... but then again my girls are very well behaved so i guess she's being true as well.

And to have a 4 year old girl u might think i have tons to carry yea... coz she actually still a baby...

I learnt to have an easy life. From the time Dania was born, never again i bring the whole household in a huge bag when i am travelling. It will be just a bottle of warm milk, a piece of diaper, a little towel and a pair of pants and blouse should she make a mess. All all these stuffed inside my trendy sling bag, or their fluffy rucksack. Now that Alya is four, these items becoming lesser & lesser! Hey there's public toilets, and there's supermarket everywhere that u can get fresh milk from, thank God for modern amenities!!!! So instead of stressing myself carrying my whole household and worrying and worrying, i usually travel light & easy, and most importantly have as much fun as possible! Isn't that the reason why you have a day out with your children???

Hey making it easy doesn't make u a lesser parent ok?

Told ya..

Remember the blue pet fish that i mentioned? And the little grave in the flower pot? And its little tombstone made of eraser?

Like some of you, i couldn't believe that my ex-colleagues still kept it there. Although the bamboo plant in the pot not looking as nice as before, the little grave still in place.

So there it is, for you to see.

Therefore i would like to thank all my ex-colleagues back in KL, for keeping the memories of US alive.

Love u too.

Why so MEAN???

Do you actually want people to dislike you?

Bitch about you?

Curse you?

Why do you have to be mean and bad when you actually know that you are being mean and bad?

Do you enjoy being a bitch?

Do you enjoy hurting people's feelings?

Do you love it when people despise you?

Do you feel big about it? Grand? Great?

Why are you creating unnecessary stress?

Why do you feel that you need to be difficult?

You feel you are loosing if you are not?

Isn't being patience and calm & collected & humble & sincere & kind is the nicest thing you could do to yourself?

Is that not the right track to be on?

Don't you know you that are big & winning by practicing these values?

Why do you want to bring yourself as low as the other angry person opposite you?

Do you love to look stupid?

Do you love to embarass yourself?

Whatever your response to my questions, you know actually the truth. Only you are not admitting it.

I beg you just let yourself think & ponder.

And maybe later you can be your better self...

MY UGLY TEETH

I found it. Finally i got something to write today.

This is about my struggle to find my SELF ESTEEM.

I must tell uols being brought up as a Malay, i was somewhat a very shy girl. (I still am a very shy girl - naaahh). I guessed we Malays always have these qualities in us. Polite, humble, reserved, introvert and shy, in all sorts of different ratios. Well not all Malays, but yea the typical Malays. At least the ones born during my time.

So being a shy girl, i always held myself back from doing whatever i really wanted to do. Inside i am a very outspoken, loud and a hyper girl. I was quite miserable actually i must say, for if in some occassions i leapt or squelled, somebody would just shhhhh me.

Then it became more complicated for me as i became a teenager. Everything was becoming more awkward. And i was sent to a boarding school. And let me tell uols the strict rules there made it worse for me. I want to jump and scream and sing and be silly... but noooo that's not the proper way.... There were always be teachers or wardens or seniors who would glare. Even my dormates & classmates! And i tell uols the boys..... they were mean!!! They would picked on what you were wearing, would always made you feel that you were not decent enough... ughhhh!!! And secretly i had established that school years was the worst episode of my life.

There's another thing about me as an awkward teenager.

My teeth.

They were UGLY! I mean they were all over the place!!! I have an extra tooth in the middle, and k-9s stickin out everywhere, all were crooked and not alligned.... oooh how i felt so un-attractive!! Imagine i was laughing & smiling with a hand upon my mouth all the time!

And so one time i made the silliest move. I told a friend i had a crush on one of the boys. And this friend (nooooot anymore) told another friend, who told another friend, and soon it reached THE BOY. The lively me was excited actually and my heart gave a little leap, but the (had to be) shy & (had to be) reserved me was sooooo embarassed!!!!!!!! Conflicts huh?

That was not enough.

THE BOY who i hoped to love and be loved by was pissed instead. He was annoyed that the girl who were having a crush on him was little me with the ugly teeth. Not that he ever said it directly, but there's one time he dedicated an Eid card to the girls in my class (there were only 9 of us) and left a comment about each of us, and ofcourse ( i still remember his exact words) he said something offensive about my smile. He said i smile like a stinky cockle... (".....tersengih macam kerang busuk..... Told uols the boys were MEAN). I know it wasn't actually offending the ugly teeth, BUT, i was a confused awkward teenager at the time and very very very sensitive about comments concerning 'smile'... 'teeth'... 'mouth'........... Quickly i went back hiding into my little nook. And sadly i walked to the class everyday with my head held down.

...Must be the teeth! What else could it be?.... I always feel that i am a very plain girl, but with those bad teeth, hey i was actually an ugly girl!! Sad huh? Yea i was sad for 5 miserable years.

Soon i left school, went to college, met my first love there (he'll be on the next blog... ok watch out...), who convinced me that i am the prettiest girl in college, however i was secretly convinced that it was actually the boobs factor... and soon the ugly teeth was not an issue anymore. After 3 years together we broke up, i was crushed, sad and angry. Again the teeth was there to be blamed. Silly me never thought that i am pretty enough for handsome him (and he got really really pretty teeth!!!!! Beautiful smile.... Nice lips... Errrr... eheh.. let's not go there..) Even one of his sisters was makin fun of the teeth once. (What a bitch)... After i graduated from college i quickly secured a job, made a point to gather some money especially to get my pearly whites braced & fixed. The braces was a tough and challenging 18 months period.

But my oh my how my life changed after that. I laughed more, i smiled all the time, i naturally felt i stood out in a crowd, i became heart of the party, i dared to ask guys out on dates, i walked with my chin up, and i was finally enjoying my feminine sexuality!!! I became my very true sanguine self!!! And even though in my society people still 'glaring', i didn't see them anymore. They ceased to exist. My confidence level was soaring high! I feel i can talk to just anyone & can do almost anything! (Yea yea yea there's the boobs factor too...)

I finally found my SELF ESTEEM. By fixing my ugly teeth.

A lot of my close friends felt the same way as uols do...

They don't get it....!

A Special Birthday Wish..

A guy who is very near & dear to me celebrated his (ahem)th birthday today.

He just moved to Bahrain, trying to look for himself, like i do... and ofcourse he got plenty of time to do that than some of older us... So i would like to wish him luck, health, and most of all HAPPINNESS.

Coz i bet my gorgeous a** that's exactly what all of us are looking for.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABES, miss u HEAPS!

Me @ Motherhood (Sigh...)

Last night the whole occupants of apartment 402 came into huge panic...

They came running down from the roof top pool only minutes after they left. I thought wow that was quick, but the pale face of my maid alerted me that something was wrong. "...Alya was jumping in the pool and knocked her chin on the pool's edge..." she said. I asked her how serious it was... She said it was bleeding and she dare not look at the wound. Ok, so I know I have got to have to check this one out. I went to her bedroom, she was crying and clutching her chin. Marsya & Dania stood frozen at their 'spots', also pale-faced. I was already panicking but being the 'man' of the house... Couldn't let them know that  I was almost having a black-out, could I?

I knelt down and took her hand away from her chin... My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach... There's an open wound looking like a little mouth at the underside of her chin. And my instant facial reaction set Marsya & Dania to tears.

My hands & feet starting to feel cold. But somehow I calmed down, so that I was able to use my brain. So firstly i called Othman, who was out for tarawikh. Next i called Buck, i need to know where's the nearest clinic... Not much help there, and I remembered Ugur. He gave me a precise direction on how to get there. Most of all of you had already known what a scatterbrained creature I am, but having to play the survivor game in Dubai, I learnt to remember directions and memorize a lot of stuff that I took a lot for granted before.

So we went to the clinic. I guessed panic was written all over my face that the doctor tried to calm me down a little bit. Numerously he repeated 'there's nothing to worry about'. At this point in time Alya already stopped crying. Too tired probably. So they started to stitch the wound up. Ooooh and how I again playing the hero role right, bravely stayed and watched the whole procedure!!! A few times I felt nauseous  and almost passed out. Really! But Alya kept on glancing my way, for some moral support for sure, so I tried to soothe her with smiles and encouraging words. To her if this world suddenly become completely dark, but if mama was there, she will be fine. I know that for a fact. And she is such a brave baby too. The whole time they were sewing her up, not a single tears!!! My heart glows for her...

She stepped down from the treatment bed, and instantly I received that warm soft familiar baby's hug.

So u see... already 3 kids, but I still don't have a clue of how to be a mom. I take it as it comes. I handle it as it happens. No plans. No strategies. And those books telling you how to be a good excellent mom? I know they are really good reads, but i don't think i can rely on those to guide me through this life long responsibility that was blessed upon me.

I am not the best mom. Hey I probably am not a good mom even. But I know I am trying my best beyond my ways to be a mom for them. No matter what kind of critisism I am getting from left right and centre, no matter if I myself not sure I am doing it right, I know I am doing it MY BEST.

Those random kisses I am always getting from them proved it alright.

Motherhood.

A huge word for me. Gigantic. I wonder if I could ever fit in it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA

Do i miss Malaysia? Ofcourse i do. And to realise that in Dubai people start to look up to us whose coming from this beautiful small warm country, it really makes my heart soar high.

Today I'd love to wish my country the HAPPIEST 51st BIRTHDAY. May u prosper, stay peaceful, be more colorful, and continue making our hearts SOAR!!

So proud of you.

(Gee... i got goosebumps now...)

P-H-E-N-O-M-E-N-A-L

Has it been a month yet since i last said the word? Ok so it's fine to say it again.

Heh heh.

This is a pic of my baby & Muna's baby. Playing together at long last.

But this is not the real story.

Ok focus at the TV screen please. At the Arabic words at the bottom. Noticed anything soooo fimiliar? The 'DOUBLES'?

Definitely a sign.

And judging from the double smiles... definitely a good sign.

Case no. 2

Ok there's this guy.

I always think that he is pretty cool. Funny, in a sinycal way. So i hang out with him sometimes.

Come July and the apartment hunting begun. He was suggesting that I should find a 3 bedrooms apartment. Same story, he want to rent out one bedroom, but he is willing pay 60k a year, coz he's bringing the wife and the 2 kids. Plus my maid will have to take care of the kids too. Well he's not getting the bigger room with that sort of cash, i thought. Some of uols in KL might think - wow, she's becoming a bitch... But come on, 3 decent bedrooms in Dubai will cost from 175k + 10% deposit & commission. If i am getting a loan from the bank, that will add another 9% minimum. Bringing the maid in, i have to pay the immigration 10k, and her flight ticket cost me another 3k, and also her medical check-up fees, plus i have to raise her salary almost double according to Dubai law.

So... what bitch?

Like case no. 1, i just proceed. Nothing committed yet. But he was little bit more helpful (yea right). He emailed me a few apartments adverts in Barsha to view.

Yea ok. How the hell am i going there? How am i getting the money to pay for it? Applying for D.E.W.A (that's electricity & water supply). Hey i spend a whole stressful day at the D.E.W.A office yea... and TV channel, drinking water supply, appliances, furniture...... the list went on & on! He don't give a 'F'. Didn't even offer to share a single cab ride with me. At least pretend like u care yea, and fix a date to go view the apartments together. NOTHING! By the end of the day he would just ask 'hey did u get that apartment?' And another brilllllliiiiiaaant idea may i add, he told me '...my family only coming in September yea, so i will only start moving in September'. So if i m moving in August, i have to bear the bloody expensive month by myself. How bloody convinient!!!

Uuuuugghhhhh!!!!!

When i finally moved, he seemed to be ok with it. Didn't show any attitude. Yea ok good, u have problems, i also have problems. So let's solve our problems ourselves.

But there's the thing about 'using' my maid to take care of his 2 kids. He brought it up, saying he would pay me for the baby sitting job. Ok fine. But i am not the one who's baby sitting here. My maid is. So we need to ask her. She arrived (not an easy trip for her too...) and to be fair to this guy and she, i popped the question. Ofcourse she was reluctant. Who wouldn't? More money or not. We are talking about 5 children here, cramping my small house. And houseworks, cooking, etc. She told me she can't cope with that. Then i broke the bad news to him. Oh! Was he upset! He said i should have told him this earlier, for he wouldn't have brought his family here if he knows MY MAID WOUDN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS. So the decision of him being together with his family in Dubai, depends on my maid's availability...

What? What??? WHAAATTTT??????????

You see, the way he was putting it, i am responsible of his baby sitting issues... Don't care how hard for me to bring the maid here, how much money & stress spent, hey don't even care if the babies were not popping out from me!!! (Okay too graphic here... Sorry bout that...) Am i suppose to work my life around THE REST OF THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS HERE????????

So uols, i'd really like to help, but help yourself first. Have some strong backbones. If u don't have any, start working on it. Do some out-sourcing, research, homework. Browse the internet. Self educate. Ask around. Make more friends outside your circle. Do it yourself. Get favours only when you are being offered some. That is all that i have been doing all this while. Don't take your friends for granted. You might loose them sooner. Or get deleted from facebook. Or blocked from MSN.

I am a small girl... there's only a limited weight i can take on my shoulder.

Thank you for understanding.

G-a-a-a-w-s-s-h..

Hmm..

I know a few of my 'fans' already getting upset with me for not updating this blog as frequent as i should... I'd love to write everyday, but hey, i m a mother of 3 yea... that's really hard work!

Ok let me take a ciggy break and think of something entertaining to write.

Patience fans dearest...

Ok today i'm gonna bitch. Really guys, there's only up to certain limits little nice me can take yea...

Case no. 1

This girl. She's a not-so-close friend from back home. But since there are not so many of us here in Dubai, yea ok we should stick to one another. Help out each other so to speak.

So I was busy looking for an apartment in July, and suddenly she came into picture. She was suggesting that we should live together, that she would rent one of the bedrooms in my future apartment. She told me she can't pay much, yea ok, i am willing to accept less than market price. She's driving a company's car, so at least i can get a ride to work or at least to the supermarket anytime, therefore i told her that if we want to realise this plan, she should help me look for a place that costs not more than 150k a year, coz if she is paying 36k a year, then the balance is affordable for me to bear, although by now uols must be saying 'isn't that even fair?'... Yea i know, but if i choose to, i can be THAT kind. Really.

So days & weeks passed. I was struggling applying loans and bugging dear Buck during a few weekend and taking expensive taxi rides to view some potiential apartments yea... And guess what she was doing? Absolutef******ly nuttin'. Not even offering me a ride, not even looking up the many apartments' advertisements... NOTHING!! I didn't even want to ask for favours from her... I just proceed, whatever i can find, whatever i can manage, i will take it as it comes. Qe sera sera - that never change...

Then i somehow managed a loan, and i found this apartment. A sweet new friend helped me to furnish it, even helped fixing some furniture.. (God bless you... thank you so much.. love the orchid..) It happenned so quick actually though, as how Dubai is - fast & furious. In less than two weeks the place is looking like a real home already. (praise God Almighty for making it happenned for me).

Suddenly, i got a phonecall. From her. How are you... bla-bla-bla... i moved.. and.... What do you know... She said, '.... so we are not living together like we planned before???'

Whaaaaatttttt?????
We planned??? WE??? PLANNED??

Too much! And imagine. Her brilliant idea was, to move in ONLY when she got a new job, which is only God knows when! And even on that matter, she was relying on me to help her with the job hunting!!!!! Hey, am i looking like her bloody keeper here??? Is it conviniently stamped on my forehead but i couldn't see?? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!!!!!! (see i totally know how to use the "pfft" now).

Too upset to continue with case no. 2.

Need another ciggy break.