Monday, October 17, 2011

words that heals

she : sometimes I just feel that what would happen if I just stop
she : stop fighting
she : stop living
she : just STOP
she : what will happen?
he : the world will miss out :)
she : that's nice but I dont care about the world
he : lol
she : :)

Sunday, October 2, 2011

A plate of Pulut, a bowl of Rendang.

Suddenly this morning I remembered Abah and one story that he told me long time ago. I think it's because of Othman's birthday today (well he is the Abah to my girls), so probably my mind is doing that 'synonym' thoughts.

Abah's story goes like this.

When he was very very small, about 5 or 6 years old, my grandpa sent him to learn to read Quran with one lady in his village. This lady was already middle aged & was never married, and she taught Quran to a few other children from that village as well.

From the very beginning, she was being so tough on him. The poor little guy always need to pronounced clearer, always have to read loudest, and always have to finish last.... as such. Only him. Not the other boys and girls. And he was to be seated separately from the rest of the children. He started to hate this lady. He thought she is picking on him for no apparent reason at all.

But being an obedient village boy who was taught to love his religion (God bless his soul), he never retaliated. Even at that very young age, he was very patient and swallowed it all.

Untill one day, the lady wanted to celebrate a religious day, wasn't sure if it was Ramadan, or Eid, or Maulid Al Rasul.... well one of those. So she prepared some very festive traditional food (pulut kuning, rendang and boiled eggs). Everyone was anxious to finish their Quran reading that day to enjoy the food right after. You see, where my Abah came from, those food was a rare luxury.

Time to eat, and the children gathered around the lady to get their share. My Abah was front in line but the lady just went passed him and was passing the food only to the other children. He started became impatient and start to gesture his hand towards the next passed plate, and the lady slapped his hand away and glared !!! He was dumbfounded, withdrew, went back to sit at his usual spot and started to cry.

After she done with the rest of the children, she called out his name, "Mohd Zain, come sit next to me". But his little heart was already broken, he was staring at the wall, crying and won't budge. He even attempted some little kick to the wall to show protest.

Then he heard her approaching him, and put something on the floor where he sat. Sounded heavy. When he turned, to his pleasant surprise, in front of him was tray with a big special arrangement of food for two... pulut, rendang, boiled eggs ... and looking so much grander than the rest. And there she was, with a sweet motherly smile.

Still with tears streaming down his cheeks, they ate the food together.

Abah was telling me the story with a little chuckle every now and then, thinking about how silly it was. But I was thinking of that middle-aged childless lady all the time .... and how big her love to my Abah ... although she had a funny way of showing it :)

God bless her soul. God bless them all.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

the real life, bonafide MAGIC

Last night my little Alya was unusually quiet... it was a very bad tooth ache. So I rushed her to the nearest dentist, and the very nice dentist (who treated her for free - which is so unusual in Dubai) told us that the last 2 baby molars is becoming loose and somehow it inflamed her gums - hence the pain. He gave her some anesthetic jab and told us to just wait till both teeth came off naturally.

She was happy again when we stepped out from the clinic, and ofcourse knowing her, now she's already the 'best-of-friends' with the dentist, she even suggested we should visit the nice dentist again :)

Anyways.... after midnight, she woke me up, couldn't sleep. The aenesthetic worn off and she was in a great deal of pain again. She lied down in my bed and I know that it's going to be a very long night...

I rubbed some ointment onto her cheek & massaged it lightly.. The pain wouldn't go. She tossed & turned & cried a little bit... I gave her paracetamoll syrup, still the pain is there. I actually told her "mama really don't know what else to do". She just closed her eyes and held my arms. I felt so helpless.

It was almost sunrise when I remembered a trick. It never failed before with Marsya & Dania. Well, Marsya & Dania never had one single tooth ache in their lives... but, if it worked on scratches & bruises, it better damn well work on the tooth ache.

So I told her softly "Mama will blow the pain away ok? After mama blow, the pain will be gone". She nodded.

And I blew some little prayers softly to her cheeks.

Swear to God ~ shortly after that she fell asleep.

It could be the paracetamol that's finally working, or the the constant rubbing on the cheek, or the medicated ointment, or she was just simply tired.

But maybe, just maybe, there's MAGIC in my healing tecnique, a mother's love, and a child's pure faith.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Why, u think u better?

I was often caught in a situation whereby I am in a middle of 2 friends criticizing each other. And I'm telling u it's not fun at all. Usually I would just keep my face shut and be oblivious of whats happening. This act we call it - playing dumb. Or another word - bimbo. Better that way, otherwise the risk of getting asked to pick a side is greater. No smart-people-making-their-points want a bimbo on their side, they rather have all the smart people in their imaginary territory.

I prefer to escape the 'what do u think, Rod' question.U see, the way i see it, who are u really to criticized other people's ways or their lives. Because to them, your ways & your life is not ideal either. So stop with all this energy wasting argument and just accept that people just love the way they living their lives, and ONLY give your oh-so-precious opinions IF u're asked to. Yea yea yea you are criticizing out of your oh-so-good intentions, but c'mon... Who are we kidding here... You just want to feel smart, sah? I'm being too kind.. Let me re-phrase that. You want others to see you as a smart person - yes that's more like it. Hmph.

It's quite easy really. Relax. Just accept each other. If they failed or fell and cried, lend a shoulder. The way I see it, u benefit being a nicer compassionate person, and they benefit lessons from their mistakes. Isn't that better in a way?

I am living a simple life in my own little world and u are exactly doing the same. "Complicated" is when we start looking into others'...

I'd just realized I am criticizing too. P E A C E .

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I am back.. hope I stay :)

Wallahi I have been ignoring this blog more than a year. What happened to me?

I am still around. Still the emotional (but very cheeful) wreck. Ha ha. No I am never a wreck. I am the jolly person that you good people will always love. Love y'all too. Big hug.

So what have I been up too for the past one year and 2 months?

Can't tell y'all much really, I've not been my smart self. Had my foolish moments last year, loads of them. And when I am not being my smart self, I will not be inspired to write. Hence, the neglected blog. Sigh.

Anyways, we picked ourselves up and we recovered and we move on yea? And that's the only way to go I guess. No use looking back and regret. It's good to look back and learn though. How cliche. But it's the truth.

Ok enough of the philosophy. So what had happened last year? Hmm it was quite an adventure. How do you good people say it? Roller coaster ride? Yea something like that. I have been single again at a (supposed to be) very mature age. So I was back in the dating scene. I am suppose to be very wise rite? Nope... sorry to disappoint y'all. Eventually I had my heart broken a few times. No big deal (yea rite). We talking about feelings & emotions here so it was somewhat a big deal actually but I kept myself busy & distracted. Cried some but quickly laughed again. And I lost a few friends ... no they didn't die, I just think they are not worth to be friends with anymore - that's very dark and mean of me - I KNOW.... But I made new acquaintances as well.

Somewhere early last year I stalked a girl in facebook and we became close friends now. (Zy, I hope you are reading this). It took her a few weeks to respond to my message. She must've thought I am psycho-stalker or something. We met, and clicked. Then she started to introduce me to her circle of friends and I love every lovely people in the group. And how they love to eat!! So most of the weekends we would meet up for MAKAN TIME. The happiest & most satisfying moments of our lives :)

Uffff I can feel all the jeans shrinking now.

Yea I am in a big denial - yet again.