Sunday, September 7, 2008

Me @ Motherhood (Sigh...)

Last night the whole occupants of apartment 402 came into huge panic...

They came running down from the roof top pool only minutes after they left. I thought wow that was quick, but the pale face of my maid alerted me that something was wrong. "...Alya was jumping in the pool and knocked her chin on the pool's edge..." she said. I asked her how serious it was... She said it was bleeding and she dare not look at the wound. Ok, so I know I have got to have to check this one out. I went to her bedroom, she was crying and clutching her chin. Marsya & Dania stood frozen at their 'spots', also pale-faced. I was already panicking but being the 'man' of the house... Couldn't let them know that  I was almost having a black-out, could I?

I knelt down and took her hand away from her chin... My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach... There's an open wound looking like a little mouth at the underside of her chin. And my instant facial reaction set Marsya & Dania to tears.

My hands & feet starting to feel cold. But somehow I calmed down, so that I was able to use my brain. So firstly i called Othman, who was out for tarawikh. Next i called Buck, i need to know where's the nearest clinic... Not much help there, and I remembered Ugur. He gave me a precise direction on how to get there. Most of all of you had already known what a scatterbrained creature I am, but having to play the survivor game in Dubai, I learnt to remember directions and memorize a lot of stuff that I took a lot for granted before.

So we went to the clinic. I guessed panic was written all over my face that the doctor tried to calm me down a little bit. Numerously he repeated 'there's nothing to worry about'. At this point in time Alya already stopped crying. Too tired probably. So they started to stitch the wound up. Ooooh and how I again playing the hero role right, bravely stayed and watched the whole procedure!!! A few times I felt nauseous  and almost passed out. Really! But Alya kept on glancing my way, for some moral support for sure, so I tried to soothe her with smiles and encouraging words. To her if this world suddenly become completely dark, but if mama was there, she will be fine. I know that for a fact. And she is such a brave baby too. The whole time they were sewing her up, not a single tears!!! My heart glows for her...

She stepped down from the treatment bed, and instantly I received that warm soft familiar baby's hug.

So u see... already 3 kids, but I still don't have a clue of how to be a mom. I take it as it comes. I handle it as it happens. No plans. No strategies. And those books telling you how to be a good excellent mom? I know they are really good reads, but i don't think i can rely on those to guide me through this life long responsibility that was blessed upon me.

I am not the best mom. Hey I probably am not a good mom even. But I know I am trying my best beyond my ways to be a mom for them. No matter what kind of critisism I am getting from left right and centre, no matter if I myself not sure I am doing it right, I know I am doing it MY BEST.

Those random kisses I am always getting from them proved it alright.


A huge word for me. Gigantic. I wonder if I could ever fit in it.